DAY 149: 23 JUN 08

I apologize up front for not posting over the weekend. I will say though that going from day 144 to day 149 is very motivating as that means I am at 30 days left! That’s assuming we leave here right on 179 so we shall see.

Well I rested quite a bit on Saturday and also studied for E 5 which I will test for within 60 days of retuning to Germany. Sunday I was up some weird hours shooting these Ultimate Fighters who came to Bagram and then they watched a live fight with service members which was broadcast live from Las Vegas on Spike TV. They cut live to the service members like one time during the broadcast. I ended up making a package out of it because yet again the Army has little expertise in how to run public affairs (or at least the 101st airborne division - In my humble opinion). They truly are soldiers first and everything else second which explains their lack of attention to detail which is pounded into your head as an Airman. It seems in today’s day and age the Army and Air Force are really butting heads even at the highest levels of command. Anyway today was a good day which I will write about at length.

Well for starters I had to finish this UFC package which I was up until midnight working on anyway. I changed the script last minute this morning and added a few more shots to bring the standard up to at least an acceptable level according to my own quality demands. Then at about 11:30 the day picked up as the St. Louis Rams Cheerleaders came into the studio.



Its not so much that I find every cheerleader hot or whatever, its just the fact that I get to interview and meet them before all of the people on base go see them tonight. They are actually performing right now on base for probably a packed house. They asked me if I was going to watch them and I said yes, as I usually do, but after my mid evening nap I was just not in the mood to walk down there plus I was long overdue for this post. They signed autographs, posed for that picture and voiced a few liners which I will get to in a second. In short a guy like me has to realize how lucky he is to be paid to interview people like them when everyone else on base has to take their own time to go see them. Its days like this I thank God that I have it so good.

Well Mondays are usually a good day anyway because the ‘New Hampshire Radio Child’, SGT Mark Decker, comes in as a volunteer to do the afternoon show on Mondays. He follows me at 2:30 which usually means we talk from 1:30 until I am done on air at 2:30. Let’s go over some background of Mr. Decker. He is 32 years old, been in the Army about 8 years, is married to a Mexican-American woman 10 years his senior who has 5 kids (only 2 still left in the nest) , and is trying to adopt their 5 year old bi-racial child (6th kid) but cannot because he is never home due to deployments to get the paperwork squared away. The child was born in an extra martial affair to a fellow Army couple back at his base in the States, so he and his wife decided to take the child but have yet to finalize the paperwork. His wife has extensive health issues, and they both have struggled money wise in their life. The guy has a job in the Army he really does not like and a supervisor who does not like him for his uniqueness and slightly off center intelligence. (Mark and I pictured below)



Well let me tell you this guy LOVES radio. You know life is good when a guy who works 7 days a week and gets only 6 extra hours off a week comes over to your job and volunteers to go on air. He does have radio experience from his home state of New Hampshire which makes for a very funny and unique show. I love talking to him because while you could not pay me enough to be in his shoes, his outlook is unparalleled to the point that he literally inspires me.

So today Chris shows up at the studios with this spray bottle of stuff that is supposedly able to keep you up for a total of 80 hours. It’s a vitamin spray that you spray below your tongue and hold for 30 seconds. His wife sent it to him, as sometimes in order to do the show he has to stay up to lengths of 30 hours because he works a night shift. Anyway he is all happy about this and shows me the daily nutritional value which included 3333% of vitamin B 12 among others. I am a little leery of it but figure why not. While I do antagonize him once in a while I am always sincere and in this case it meant doing some sprays. He said 5 at a time are the suggestion, but again I was leery so I only did 3.

It had one hell of a tart taste for which I could not hold so I swallowed it immediately, and then chased it with some water. Well about 10 minutes later I felt the need to move my bowels which seemed to come out of nowhere. While I had just ate lunch I was surprised at this development. I asked him if he had experienced any gastro intestinal changes since employing this spray to which he replied not really.

‘Mark watch the board (what we use to play music on air) I need to use the restroom’ I quickly said. So I go downstairs and out to the metal container we call a bathroom. Now usually I would not go into great detail about this but after my situation almost 2 weeks ago I have to report the polar opposite.

I do not know what that spray did but I sat down and released an absolute crowd pleaser. (That term comes from the book ‘What’s your Poo Telling You’ which we have in the news room and is a MUST read). I cannot remember the last time I released such a barge of that caliber. Anyway at that point I thought to myself where the hell was this spray a couple weeks back when my system seemed to be on strike? None the less I finished up, washed my hands, and went back to the studio almost stunned from the excursion.

When I got back I of course had to share the experience with Mark because 1. He gave me that damn spray which I theorize helped lead to such an award winning movement and 2. The things he and I talk about run the gambit from God, Politics, the military, and yes even the occasional poo. (Hey you come here for 6 months and subject yourself to strict rules, work all of the time, and the same routine and see what types of things you are talking about or thinking about. This post is very uncouth but my aim here is to give you a real life deployment experience and not sugar coat things which would is worse than being a little disgusting in my view.)

Now I knew the cheerleaders were coming in today so I asked my supervisor if I could go live with Mark for the first hour of his show. It was OKed so I was excited. When these sports related people come in I usually have them voice a liner saying ‘Hey we are _______ and you are listening to Rob and Steve on the Sports Zone here in Afghanistan’. We play them during our show Friday nights which helps make the show a little more reputable. We did the same thing at my student radio station at PSU. Anyway so I have the cheerleaders voice one for Chris. Once he goes live at 2:30 I run into the other studio and produce the 15 second liner with Nelly’s song Pimp Juice as the bed. I tell Chris I am going to surprise him live on air.

When I come back into the studio I notice a real bad smell so I ask him if he has flatulence to which he replies yes and adds that maybe there is something about that spray. I open the window and tell him I cannot deal with that if he does it again. Its almost time for us to go live together so I can debut his liner so we get ready.

So at about 3 PM we go live and just as I am about to talk I smell what I would label as level 9 potency. It hit me like a ton of bricks to the point where I was having trouble breathing and in turn talking while live on air! I have no other option but to laugh and ask him if he broke wind while live! He starts laughing and replies yes at which point I composed myself, thanked him for volunteering his time and then played his liner which he absolutely got a kick out of.

As soon as we play the next song and are off of the air I get some air freshener in the next room and bomb him. I ask him what his deal is and he replies that yes maybe there is something about that spray and that he had been doing more sprays when I was not in the studio. At this point he is really laughing and I just reply that I will not be able to work under these conditions.

I go back into the news room and do some work. I see the one Staff Sergeant (Jason) who is always ticking and tacking me but is my friend and lives next to me here in the B hut. He is leaving soon so I say let’s get a picture. Well as we walk out into the hallway, since he has heard about Mark's raiding of the radio studio he opens the door to say something to Mark at which point I say ‘I would not’. Before I could finish my sentence the gas hit Jason like a wall of stench. Mark had continued dowsing the radio studio in the time that I left. Jason quickly shut the door and then we got the picture seen below.



I had a decent dinner tonight and then caught a nap which made me feel good. Last week was very tiring so I think I am still catching up. We are having a cook out this weekend to say goodbye to the first portion of our crew as they leave next week and their replacements are due in this weekend. I am a little sad to see them go but know my time to leave nears.

I thank God each day as we had another fallen comrade ceremony this past weekend. It was for a Polish troop. This month is the first time since both wars have been going on that Afghanistan’s death toll is higher than Iraq’s.

Anyway that’s about it. I need to head back to work for a bit. I hope this post made you laugh a little and know that I am hanging in there. I will try to post more regularly than a 5 day gap. Take care and as always thanks for reading.