DAY 137: 11 JUN 08

******* WARNING THIS POST IS GRAPHIC AND GOES INTO DETAILS ABOUT DISGUSTING THINGS **************

Where do I begin…. Well let’s just say my stomach strikes again. I will start from the beginning. I got up yesterday and was not feeling to great stomach wise but had exlax so I figured I would be fine. That day at work we had the local Afghan guy that prints our magazine bring local food in for lunch. I have had Afghan food before so I know what to get and what not to get. Where I think I made my mistake was that I ate too much. I had the bread, a ton of rice, and some chicken (or what I tell myself is chicken) and a coke. I got about 2 or 3 plates worth as I figured it would give my system a good ‘push’. I also popped 1 exlax thinking that would be enough to motivate the troops. Well just as I finished my radio show around 2:30 yesterday the power went out in our building. So I finished up and then went back to my room to take a nap around 3 PM. I slept ok I guess but I could tell my stomach was not doing too great. I figured I just had a big movement coming so I thought nothing of it. I went back to work to finish some stuff up as the power was back on. Well at this point things started going south.

I decide its time to go to the bathroom so I go out back to the toilets, urinals, and sinks in the metal containers that we call bathrooms. I proceed to sit there for over an hour before deciding to go back to work. The pain was coming and going but definitely starting to build. I find a random soldier who I kind of know and bum a cigarette off of him. I will be honest in saying that since I turned 18 I have done my fair share of smoking but since being here I have almost absolutely quit. (I had 2 in Qatar with beer one night.) The air here is terrible and smoking is a terrible habit so I have decided to rid myself of it. One of those changes you realize and make while in Afghanistan. Anyway I bum a smoke off of him as I know my body and usually a smoke can rally the troops quite quick. So I light the Marlboro Red (yeah about as bad as you can get ) and smoke it. NOTHING! At this point I am really getting worried because while the cigarette made me feel less pain it did not do what I wanted. OK so back up to work.

I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, my weapon from the news room, and decide to head back to my room to get another exlax and try to go to the bathroom after that. Well on the walk from work towards my room, my stomach goes into absolute crazy mode. By this time everything had compacted itself in my lower abdomen and I was hurting. I decide to forget the exlax and just get to the nearest bathroom. Once there I proceed to go through unbearable pain for at least another 30 minutes. I am talking worse pain I have ever felt. So then I start sweating and getting even more nauseated when all of a sudden I throw up! I drank about 3 quarters of that bottle of water and my body sent it right back up along with a few remnants of lunch.

At this point I am in the most pain I have ever felt, sweating bad, and feeling so sick. I decide that after almost two hours I need to burry my pride and get help. Only problem is no one is around. So the next guy that walks in is a soldier and I poke my head out of the stall (which are only covered by plastic curtains) and say hey you need to go get my supervisor I am really sick! 5 minutes later Jason shows up and then gets TSgt Hoover and SSgt Pedro. Now mind you they find me basically naked in this stall looking like absolute hell. When I get real sick like this I like to be naked as I do not want anything touching my aching body. I know it’s not good practice in a public place like this but at that point my mind is going I am in so much pain. So they ask me to get dressed as they are going to drive me to the ER. I muster all the energy and control that I have, get dressed and plop into the SUV we have.

It’s now about 9:30PM and I am on my way to the hospital which is only a 4 minute drive mind you. About 1/3 of the way there my stomach drops yet again and I think it’s go time ala Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber after Jim Carrey puts the exlax in his coffee. I jump out of the car and run into a ditch! At this point my stomach feels like it’s going to explode. I jump back out of the ditch while my supervisor is absolutely dumb founded (he told me that today while all the other guys laughed and laughed). I then proceed to the nearest port-a-potty and again nothing happens. I make my way back to the SUV as my supervisor escorts me. He tells me today that I started to lose it mentally at this point. So back in the car and to the hospital. As we pull up I guess I tried getting out of the vehicle before they stopped but I really do not remember. I was in so much pain I was fading in and out. I mean I was ok but when you have never dealt with pain like this your body reacts weird I guess. So we get in there and luckily it’s like 10 PM so hardly any patients are there and they have plenty of people to help me.

I get on a bed and tell them what the deal is. The doctor comes over (Black female which I only mention because of the next part) and talks to me and then listened to my heart beat and the rest of my cavity down to my lower abdomen. Then she says ok take your shirt off. Shirt goes off. Then she says turn to your side and face the wall. At this point I think I knew what was coming but you are never truly prepared. At first I was having no part of it but then she was like you need to relax or I can’t do it. The pain was so bad I relaxed for 1 second and let her insert her finger. I grabbed the medical technician’s pants while she did it which kind of helped. Now let me tell you this is as embarrassing as it gets. One female doing that to me while the other cute medical technician kind of watches. Not a fun time. Anyway she says ‘ok’ and then I rolled back over.

Things start to look up…. They determine I am dehydrated so they put a needle in me which took two sticks. No biggie as the pain from the needle kind of took the stomach pain away. They draw blood and then give me drugs! Now many of you know unlike my sister drugs have never been my forte. Tylenol PMs knock me out let alone this stuff they gave me last night. Within 30 second I was feeling like a million bucks. They told me what it was but I forget. They ran lab work on my blood and then started making me drink these thick shots of stuff so they could do a CT scan on my stomach. I had to do one shot of this syrupy stuff every half hour for 2 hours, then have the scan. Well after the third one I felt like I was going to puke again so I went to the restroom. Low and behold I actually moved my bowels after almost 5 hours of being C_____ed. I do not like mention the C word but that’s what I was.

I ended up getting two backs of saline, the drugs, and something else, along with the CT scan. Everything came back negative which means I was just REALLY constipated. I ended up leaving the hospital at like 2:15 in the morning as they gave me some medicine to help me. Since then its been quite the opposite but after last night I will never ever complain about the Big D.

I thank God that I have medical coverage, great military medical professionals to help me along with wonderful coworkers who truly care. I might also add that I both flirted with the red head who helped me all night (I told her about Michelle and she was the one that gave me the phone) and called Michelle while I was flying in the sky on that stuff. I will be honest it was nice to have the drugs but I felt very out of control which is a feeling I do not like. I guess that’s why people get high because they like not having control. Not me… I like to think, work, smile, see, and enjoy life instead of being in that state. But with the pain I had boy did I need them!

I came back and slept in today. I went into work for a little and then came back and slept more. The guys asked me if I was ok today and once they saw that I was it was joke time. I was good about it as after last night I am just happy to be feeling good.

I was feeling pretty weak all day but feel ok now. We had some comedians in today as they are touring Afghanistan. One was from Pittsburgh so I went to see them tonight but did not stay. They were ok but I like more thought provoking comedy not dumb sex and stupidity comedy. Something that makes me think and laugh at the same time is what I consider genius comedy worthy of my time.

I guess that’s it for today. I will be watching more Euro cup tonight as I have truly become a big soccer fan. Having been around the World Cup in 2006 there is nothing like it. I would love to go to South Africa to see the USA play in the 2010 World Cup. We shall see.

Work wise I missed a shoot today but will be able to reschedule it. Also it looks like the Brian Williams thing is a go for Friday. I will let you guys know but you can read what he is doing in Kabul right now. Everyone have a great day and please do not take for granted the daily things in our life if you catch my drift!